A safe, just and equal world for women

In 2019, my husband was waiting for a knee replacement. The domestic abuse he subjected me to got worse – something I put down to the pain he was in.

That October, he had the operation, and I hoped that would mean things wouldn’t be so bad. But before long, we all found ourselves in Covid.

His drinking got worse over lockdown. And when he was drinking, he was a monster.

The abuse escalated. He’d get at me for any reason. If he didn’t like what I’d cooked. If the sky wasn’t blue. If I was out too long. Or on the phone too long. I couldn’t do anything right. In his eyes, everything was my fault and he was going to make me pay for that.

The verbal abuse was unbearable, just a constant drip drip drip of horrible things, in my ear. Constant digs at me. He’d do it in front of my daughter and grandchildren to. He didn’t care.

Constantly asking me ‘where you are going?’ and ‘what you are doing?’ I constantly walked on eggshells.

He hated all my friends, didn’t want me to see them. There was a neighbour I got on with, a man who was battling cancer. I’d visit him, help him out. My husband would accuse me constantly of having an affair with him.

In 2019, I confided in my doctor what was happening at home, and he sent me away with a card for an organisation I could ring for support. Unfortunately, despite me referring myself I wasn’t able to get any support.

Three years later, my husband had to have a heart bypass, and from then on things got worse for me – the anger and abuse continued daily and loudly. Then, a few days before Christmas 2023, I’d had enough.

I could not take another second of the abuse. I pleaded with him over and over, but he would not leave the property. In desperation, I called the police four times. Officers came out each time, and on one occasion he was arrested – but for breach of peace. Nothing to do with the abuse. The police said there wasn’t enough evidence.

The second time they came out, the police stayed with me while I called the Domestic Abuse Hotline. They gave me the number for Advance, and they put me in touch with Women’s Trust who arranged for me to have 18 weeks of counselling. I’ve just come to the end of that counselling.

My ex’s treatment of me sent me to rock bottom. I felt an inch high. I was a woman who’d ride around on buses with a book, to avoid coming home.

But now, thanks to the counselling and support I’ve received through attending Advance’s Women Centre, I have started loving myself. Putting myself first.