I am a filmmaker and up until late 2020 was living in New York, travelling a lot with my work. On a trip to London, I met a man, fell in love and ended up getting married. I suffered low self-esteem for most of my life, and he was the first man who appeared to care about me.
Before I left NY to come to England to live with him, it was all hearts and flowers.
But in the relationship, I was expected to be the perfect wife at home. This included having dinner on the table when he came home and then clearing up the dishes. The relationship quickly became one in which I never felt good enough, with my husband often telling me that I was ‘only thinking of myself’. I constantly questioned whether I was being over-emotional and walked on eggshells all the time.
Things deteriorated to the point where I felt suicidal. Living away from my friends and family, I felt isolated. He also made me live with him in the same house as his brothers and mum.
We had a daughter together and there were so many times when I would ask for me and my daughter to be prioritised.
Every time I asked, he’d make me feel selfish. He wouldn’t really want to collaborate with me in terms of raising our daughter but resented that she was closer to me than she was to him. Of course she was – I was the main carer. He said I’d sabotaged their relationship. Because he wasn’t doing his share of parenting, it was difficult for me to do any freelance work. He’d also spend the child benefits we received on himself.
I didn’t recognise that my husband was emotionally abusing me until I saw a counsellor and she pointed out that that was what was going on.
We were married for three years before we got divorced, which my husband dragged out, delaying every step, as a means of keeping control of me.
I heard about Advance through a playgroup that I took my daughter to. Advance has been incredible, especially with supporting my emotional and mental wellbeing. I honestly feel like my keyworker has saved my life, time and time again. My daughter is three now and I’ve started freelancing again. We live in temporary accommodation, and I just hope that we can stay here.
Find out more about how Advance supports women through the criminal justice system and read our report.
